Valerie blogs

I remember what old school love felt like for me. Well, not really, but I felt it through my elder brother’s love letters. These letters were split into two: the first section, where a lover poured out his heart on a fancy paper (if he really loved you, he would write two pages), and the ‘bigups’ section, where greetings and short love messages from his peers to the girls’ school. They spoke in song form; Westlife and Backstreet Boys symbolised the golden age—the more than sufficient expression of love. I know that anyone who went to a school function looked forward to two things: making a new friend and getting a hug. A hug was simple and docile, but boys were seen as heroes if a girl gave you one. Once you joined university, you studied and maintained focus. You had a vision: study, graduate and settle down. Sex was reserved for marriage and people were conservative. You had sex, got pregnant with the father of your children who was also your husband. That was the plan ba...

What is Childhood Trauma? Not every challenge you face as a child can be classified as childhood trauma. A normal childhood involves both positive and negative events that help us to grow and develop physically, mentally, and even spiritually. Childhood trauma entails experiences that leave a seriously adverse psychological impact on a child such as Any type of bullying Abandonment Sexual assault and harassment Involved in, or witnessing, a serious accident Physical abuse Serious illness Natural catastrophes Losing a loved one without support thereafter Children are generally empathetic and witnessing someone else go through such experiences can also traumatise a child. How does lingering trauma from such events manifest in adulthood? Attachment Disorders Adults who experienced trauma related to attachment such as abandonment, parental abuse, and neglect may: Become, or try to be extremely independent based on the fear of becoming dependent on someone that could hurt them a...

If tomorrow never comes, by Joose brings back nostalgic memories.  The gist of this song is loving - “to death” - our loved ones, and not waiting till it's too late. But, in this time and age, when separations and divorces are rampant, there is another tomorrow that never comes for some men. It’s a tomorrow of not seeing your child. A tomorrow of not being in the life of one’s child. A tomorrow that, for some men, involves losing your mind because you can't have a relationship with the one/s you mind the most about. When exchanging vows, we have best intentions our marriage will outlast and outlive those of our peers. The thought of tomorrow never coming never occurs to us. As such, we go through life on autopilot, sans any tricks or tweaks to spice up the flight.Until our marriage becomes another statistic, and we sigh: “If I knew then what I know now …” I’m an advocate of giving one’s best to one's child. These are memories we make in the sands of time, so, in...